Have you ever wondered why it is so hard to overcome self-doubt?
Are you a compassionate person? Do you find that you are harder on yourself then you are on others?
Have you tried Mel Robbins supposedly life-changing strategy of counting backward 5-4-3-2-1 and still can’t take the action you know you want to take to achieve a goal you have?
Why is that?
In coaching, we are not encouraged to ask the client “Why” type questions as it puts people on the defensive. However, I have found in my fourteen years of coaching intelligent professionals and entrepreneurs have strong analytical brains. They need to understand the origin of self-doubt before their brain will let go of its resistance and allow new solutions in.
You (and your brain) have been trained to doubt yourself.
You have heard much about the prehistoric brain being designed for fight or flight. We are born with an ingrained habit of self-preservation and safety. Combine this with the fact that many people, especially those that are compassionate, have a strong need for acceptance and therefore their number one fear is rejection. So, it becomes clearer that your self-preservation mechanism is keeping you from one of your greatest fears which is rejection. If you don’t attempt something, then you cannot be judged and rejected for it.
Brain research has shown that your past thoughts have laid down neurological pathways in the brain. These well-worn pathways are where your future thoughts tend to go first. That is why most processes in changing habits require you to consistently do something different for at least 30 days to lay down new pathways in the brain.
Most people should also know that laying down these self-doubt tracks are not your fault.
You were trained to do this by someone you were trying to be accepted by a parent, a teacher, a potential mate, a current mate, society in general. “Be a good person and meet my needs or I won’t accept or love you.” Hence, you will be rejected.
For those that studied for a profession based on being prepared to see all risks present for your client, it’s even worse. Accountants are trained in auditing to see the risk inherent in every aspect of the business that may affect the financial statement reader. Lawyers are trained to prepare for every argument that his opponent may throw at him. You have been trained to be skeptical and think of the worst that can happen. No wonder you think the worst when you think of your own capabilities.
Combine that with being on-guard all the time, striving to be perfect in an imperfect world. And when, lo and behold, you aren’t perfect on subjects and accomplishments that were never intended to be perfect…. you feel deflated and doubt yourself next time in a related area or an unrelated area.
And you care…
For those that value compassion, it’s even worse. You tend to be extremely outward-focused on what other people think and want. You usually assume that the other person’s happiness is dependent on your behavior. Again, it’s not your fault. You have been trained to think this. You learned that parental, teacher and peer approval were highly correlated to making someone else’s wishes come true. Play nice, take care of your sister, help mom or dad, pay attention in class, get good grades, be a good little boy or girl.
Now that you know the root of your self-doubt, you can take proactive steps to move beyond the self-doubt that is holding you back. Click here for a list of articles that provide concrete action steps to move you forward to achieving your goals.
Or if you would like the complete list of 10 strategies to overcome self-doubt then download the complete article called “Overcoming Self-Doubt: When the 5-Second Rule Doesn’t Work for You” on my Resources/Tools page
Sometimes even the strongest person needs support to move forward on something they don’t feel confident about. And for those of you that suffer from overwhelming self-doubt, know my clients started out feeling that way too. But by working with me and practiced these strategies (and others created just for their situation) they overcame their doubt. If self-doubt is stopping you from reaching your business or personal goals then email me at anita@professionalcoachingcompany.com for a complimentary clarity session.
Want to know more about the complimentary clarity session first and/or book your appointment online then go to http://professionalcoachingcompany.com/clarity-session/